The New Sexy: Women Over 40

Exactly a year ago, I wrote the article below. It immediately went viral.

I’m 42 now. And maybe a little wiser. After many profound interactions with my readers, I decided it was time for an upgrade:

Click here to read, The New Sexy: Upgraded (2017).

 

I’m 41.

Until recently, when a woman over 40 checked out my dating profile, the first thought that popped up in my head was “too old”–and then I quickly moved on.

I would literally think, “Why is she checking me out? We’re not even in the same generation.”

No lie.

I shared this revelation with my friend, Heather, who’s in her 30’s, and she challenged me: “You ARE over 40 Alex. Your age range is from 26-41. Why do you date younger women, but not women your own age?”

But they’re not my own age, I muttered to myself. They’re old–and I’m not.

Based on our conversation, and just for kicks, I changed the upper age range for my dating search to 45. Lo and behold! It was like entering a secret vortex of hotness:

Women over 40.

These women were confident! They were bold! They were liberated! And they were HOT!

1) Confident:

The’ve had some life experience. Usually, they’ve already been through a marriage, parenthood and probably a divorce.

They no longer need a man to fill some void in their life; they know what they want, and they’re not afraid to go after it! They are also comfortable in their own skin. They don’t do the whole bullshit routine that unmarried women do in their 20’s and 30’s.

They’re no longer trying to be the woman that will attract the man. They know their value, and they own their beauty, which radiates from the inside-out.

2) Bold:

Many women in their 20’s/30’s allow men to transgress their boundaries–constantly–without sticking up for themselves. You will NOT see a woman over 40 make this mistake very often.

Both groups handle this kind of thing in different ways. Women in their 20’s/30’s will most likely grin and bear it, hoping their guy understands the subtle hints and psychic messages that are being sent in his general direction (feel free to laugh now).

But as time goes on and their needs remain unmet, the resentment builds until they over-react, often about something completely unrelated, and then blame their partner for it. Let’s just call this the indirect approach.

Women over 40, by contrast, use the direct approach. When something doesn’t feel right, they lay down the law, setting clear boundaries for the future.

But here’s the beautiful thing: after they’ve spoken their peace, they’re done. The slate is wiped clean, and everything is hunky-dory again.

No future backlashes.

No re-hashing it a week (or several) later.

It’s really over.

3) Liberated:

Most women who are over 40 and dating have usually taken charge of their lives by ending a bad relationship. (Yes, women end most marriages.)

This isn’t easy. Most people just want to stay comfortable; even when they’re not very happy.

Why?

Because ending our relationship often involves a major life upheaval: moving out, figuring out what to do with children, splitting up finances, etc.

It takes tremendous courage to do so, and I give major props to anyone who has left a crappy marriage or relationship. There is no greater joy than the feeling of liberation after having lived in a cage for too long.

The irony is, that for most of us, we’re holding the key to our own cage! Once a woman–or anyone, for that matter–has gotten out of their cage, the last thing they plan to do is get stuck in another one.

They also have no desire to put someone else in a cage, either.

Their liberation is liberating. 

For this reason, you can say pretty much whatever you’d like to a woman over 40. She may not agree, but she’ll give you the space to be you. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for, anyway? Someone with whom we can be ourselves.

4) HOT:

I could have gone with sexy, but… who are we kidding? Most women prefer to be called hot over sexy–as long as she knows that you value all of her attributes (and not just her physical ones).

When a woman has taken good care of herself throughout her 20’s and 30’s (physically, mentally and emotionally), and she’s confident, bold and liberated, there’s a good chance that she is going to be hot.  

Furthermore, she no longer feels the need to follow societal norms about sex, love or dating. Without the need to strategize to catch a man, she does what feels right, and what works for her. How liberating!

And isn’t someone who is liberated super-sexy? I mean, even if you’re not physically attracted to that person, they can still be SUPER-SEXY!

I’m not sure where all this is going to lead, but isn’t that part of the fun? The not-knowing. The discovery. The possibilities. 

Regardless of what happens, I do know one thing:

I’m going to keep dating women over 40.

 

If you enjoyed this, make sure to check out:

The Case for Zero Tolerance

www.alexobed.com

 

 

 

266 thoughts on “The New Sexy: Women Over 40

    1. Tina- Pictures. Now. Prove. Whether you “feel” like you have “the goods” is immaterial. Men will be the judge. Let’s see that body in a nice little black number, no filters, no odd camera angles. Men will determine if you are attractive. If you are not, I’m sure the fat baldy you score will show you his Star Wars collection.

      “Wow look at the salary on that one” said NO MAN EVER

      “Wow that graduate degree makes me hot” said NO MAN EVER

      “Wow that 40-something was putting up a bat signal “do me” vibe and spread like melted butter with no problem” said any semi-attractive young guy at a cougar hang out.

      1. This comment makes me want to just burn the internet down. I forget sometimes that there are humans like you out there in the world. It’s nicer when I forget.

      2. Hey HonestJohn….here’s some honesty: you are a total D-bag. Is that news to you, or do you walk around knowing that and are just ok with it? I hope you have nothing but girls if you ever have children. But really, I hope you just never reproduce.

      3. Spot on with that comment HonestJohn – most woman here will hate it because it is totally true and you are just not “Playing their Game” the way “They Want”…In particular your comment on “Salary” and “Graduate Degrees” are pure Gold!

      4. Wow you got a set of balls – said no woman ever!!! Don’t be an asshat – he’s talking about the whole package at a different level you clown…,maybe you should parse out your wants and desires like perky ass perky tits no job no brains etcetera — geez

      5. Read the article- only once was appearance mentioned. She says she has the goods- she means the goods outlined in the article.

    2. Tina.. you look amazing and you seem to have a very positive attitude which is great! I’m sure you’re not even worried about @HonestJohn (more like InsecureJohn’s) comment below. HonestJohn or whatever the hell his name is is just jealous how good you look and it’s something I’m sure he’s wanting but can’t coupe with not being to get that because he’s such a Dbag! Just saying!

      Also… you don’t even look close to 39 at all and you’re picture shows confident in a women that most all men want! ; ) Keep it up!

      The article above is well written and is true to a T! Great article! That is reality and life in a nut shell well to what I had experienced. I always found that no matter what age you are… women are always attractive when they are mature and respectful to people which age plays a great part of most of the time.

      1. You don’t even look 39 is not a compliment. When guys act surprised when I say my age it is irksome and worse when a little oblivious to them look of disappointment when they realize I’m not as young as I looked to them in that moment. Just as a lot of woman are not in their power so are many men lacking in their power and confidence. It’s a status thing to have a younger women. You feel like less of a man to have an older woman because you have failed to impress a more desired hotty wether that be with charm, money, looks…you are a failure yuck and now you’ve been reduced to…woman in their 4Os. It is completely illogical and delusional based solely on societal norms that you all fell for hook and sinker because yes younger woman in many ways are more attractive but it is completely illusionary in the long run. It means absolutely nothing. Your existence is completely empty if you play the status game. Both for men and woman that is true.

      2. Thank you for mentioning the last line. That it doesn’t just affect men, but it also affects women as well. Women lose out in some ways with an older man.

    3. Tina, As a 44 year old I can confirm that you’re heading into 40 with the right attitude. But Alex left out one very important part of being of 40 something year old woman. You’ll have the best sex of your life! I kid you not. Chalk it up to all that experience, confidence, or directness that he mentioned…but you know your body really well by that age. What you like, what you don’t. I’ve had great sex in my life but nothing compares to my experiences in my 40s! I feel like I’m glowing most of the time (and my husband…who’s in his thirties…is exhausted for all the right reasons…lol). Enjoy the decade, Tina!

  1. Oh Dear. Born Dutch directness is in my DNA. Raised in A’dam I am pretty liberated. Dont even recall the Third Value you are so generously spreading on us forty plus girls, but it must be an awesome one.

    Therefore, forgive me this new year ‘s notification. -as you know once we have it off our chest it is all piece and love again anyway- ;

    Alex, you’re still too full of yourself. You are not coming across very sexy. Nor hot in case there is a difference.
    Guys that write blogs like this and still end by quasi-funny hiding behind words like room for mental construct growth are indeed a bit self delusional as you called it 😉

    Why do you think there are so many overwhelming positive reactions from women over 40 here? How much self confidence is resonating in those Messages?

    Why would you date a 40 plus? It is still bit unclear to me. Could you not manage 40 minus directness and playfullness?

    To my opinion three things miss in your discovery.

    There are pragmatic reasons why 40 plus woman tell guys earlier to get a life. And these arent financial or self confidential. You are Simply less needed as offspring is usually been provided for at that age.
    I hope you wont panic now. Or ,
    Feel too relieved. If you want to play safe my advise is to aim for the 45+.

    “She may not agree, but she’ll give you the space to be you.” Only if the you is interesting and
    Offsets sufficiently in other qualities obviously. Same Goes for a 40-‘er.
    What would make a 40 plus date a Guy like you? The fact you now decided you think the world of them? Why do you Wanna be in a relationship anyway? On your
    Own you can give yourself as much space as you like, I would think.
    If you think 40- are demanding, fasten your seatbelts. We
    Might want guys that have completed their mental construct growth to a further extend.

    Thirdly, it is such a Pitty, all the labelling and assuming. I know 40 plus and minus with all these qualities and I know them at the same time as scared little human Beings longing to be loved. Male and female.
    Like whomever you like but focusing on age for the mentioned qualities comes to me across as shallow minded and a loss of opportunity.

    Happy 2016 dating!

    1. I read this whole article as:
      Woman that are older, TEND TO BE MORE MATURE IN THEIR BEHAVIOUR AND DEMEANOR. (and they can be hot too)
      Congratulations on noticing the obvious, you might’ve just entered a stage of adulthood yourself at that point.
      I’m just so baffled, that this guy basically says in one way or another he’s mostly been dating playful young girls with underdeveloped personalities, and bad behavior, all his life.
      I couldn’t even feel for a younger girl if she didn’t have her personality and head on straight (being with either meaning relationship or a sexual one), but I wouldn’t mind at some point being with an attractive older woman either. People just have too many stigma’s to do themselves any favors in life’s pleasures and enjoyments.

    2. Adult women, no matter the age range, do not gain confidence, Independence, or the ability to achieve success in their endevors based on neglect from previous romantic relationships with the “gender flawed male”; Women do so by first learning to love themselves so that they may one day share that same inner peace with a piece that’s deserving.

    3. I agree with you. Eva. This guy sounds like a real piece of work. He even admits at the end he is still referring to women his own age as “older”. Jeez. No 40 plus woman I know would consider dating a man like this. He can have his young, silly young gals.

      1. I can tell you a lot about that. I am 42 (almost 43) and I’ve dated guys in their early 20s. I don’t look for them. It’s just that most of the guys who show interest in me is in that age bracket. There are also men in their 30s and 40s who wants to date me but men in this age bracket are… well, Dbags. i can’t explain it all here.

    1. “Youthfulness. Looks. Energy. Vitality. Playfulness.”
      Older men often do not have this. They are settling down into retirement, rather than thinking about their next hard ass goal. Many have physical problems that cause them a challenge in trekking the lands. Others think they’re too old to do young things. It goes on, and on, and on. Give me a 45 year old that has the vitality of a 35 year old man, and I’m in.

      1. Wow… that seems to be a theme that I’m hearing over the internets. I feel a blog post on this one, Sassy. Very very interesting. I’d love to find out how other women feel about this. I’ll go ahead and send out a “tweet” tonight. Are you on twitter? Also, I’d love to hear your personal experiences on said topic, if you’re willing to share! alexskyobed@gmail.com.

    2. Love the article because it’s true. And I’m 42! But I’m hearing the same sentiment from a lot of my girlfriends as you- Alma and Sassy! They do not want anything to do with same age or older men. I still like them older haha! Fun morning read- thanks!

  2. It obviously depends on the woman and the man involved; however it is refreshing to see a different and realistic approach to dating from someone in their 40’s. I live in Miami Beach and am in my 40’s (where most 50 year olds seek 25 year olds) and have seen the game played out too many times…..kudos to Alex, who has realized that age is a frame of mind and not a number. I concur with his assertions, we know what we want and we refuse to settle for less. This is what life is about, and I believe this can be achieved by any mature person that has experienced life.

  3. Here’s an even crazier concept. Women over 50 can still be a great catch. I personally feel sexier now than in my 40s and 40s. Maybe because my kids are finally grown. I seem to attract more attention than a decade ago. I am happier and more interesting for sure.
    Anyone would be better off dating me now than in my younger years.

  4. I’ll be 40 in about a week. And I am discovering a whole new me!! Loving it!! Feeling so much more confident, sexier, happier. And just enjoying life more which makes me more confident, sexier and happier. Lol. It’s a great cycle to be in!! Dating is much more fun now!! Good article.

  5. How about 62 and a 28 year old man. I have that and it is fantastic. It was totally unexpected but just happened.
    Do not be afraid of an older woman. Experience someone who is independent, caring and willing to try most everything out there!

  6. Honest John is probably some overweight friendless unattractive keyboard warrior 😂 he has nothing nice to say because he is lonely and miserable with his life . I feel sorry for people who have nothing better to do than try and bring people down because they are having a shitty life. But hey not my problem and Im sure as shit not letting some anonymous guy who wont post pics himself make me feel bad . Im 32 and still get paid for my looks . Can he say that ?? Lol x ps any bloke who has no idea what a landcruiser is has no right to judge anyone 😂😂😂😂😂 i mean .. he’s the one that brought toyota into the argument. . Landcruiser only one of their most well known 4×4 s …

  7. Really enjoyed reading the article, as a 53 (nearly) year young woman plunged back into the dating scene, however more importantly than that has discovered my own inner and outward beauty over the last 3 years and like/love myself so much more than I did 20-40 and know exactly what I don’t want, and being able to effectively express this before, during and after any relationship (not just ones of an intimate nature)
    People like honest John are not permitted to leave rent free in my head, and wouldn’t even give the comments any thought normally however since he’s had a few mentions thought I would pass my stance lol.
    Thank you for this and other Blogs I feel 2016 is the year for us mature ladies, I can only speak for myself at this age suddenly in the world of pageants and modeling lol
    Over 50 fabulous and loving life

  8. Great read! Thank you for being the seemingly one enlightened man 😉 And for making a bunch of us feel good 🙂 Please continue to spread the word to your male friends!

  9. Oh, so right I’m my alley. Check it out on http://www.dianasobolewski.com PRIVATE RESERVE (the first novel of a series). Title borrowed from the wine industry and wine is a big part of the story. The author is a wine agent. The novels celebrate characters and readers over 30 years of age (usually over 40 and 50). Sizzle factor: Have you oven mitts hand., The novels hits 6 of the most popular romance tropes: Soulmate/fate, second chance, strong hero/heroine, re-united, sexy billionaire, sassy heroine. A sexy read with a favorite wine. LOVE, SEX, LUXURY WINE (with a touch of humor). The best lays ahead for 40s, 50s and beyond!

  10. Haha, this makes me laugh. I consider myself a super hot slightly over 40 year old woman who wont dream of dating a man older or for that matter my age. Why would I want to when the younger ones are so much more fun and worship the ground we walk on.

      1. I’m a 42 year old hottie 😉 and I’m married to a 35 year old hottie. But I do consider myself lucky, I see a lot of 35 year old burned out men. Not happy with their life, relationship, job. Always complaining but not doing anything about it. My man is a goal getter. That’s superhot. So for me, it’s not the age that counts. It’s the zest for life.

  11. (Apologizing in advance for the long post, the topic at hand interests me to end!)

    Let me start by saying WOW, finally somebody that dares to express the kind of sentiment I’m hearing all around me, most noticeably in the companionship of my thirty- and fortysomething male friends. Last month was my 32th birthday – luckily, I’ve got the ‘advantage’ of looking around 3-5 years younger. Using the word ‘luckily’ and ‘advantage’ both ashames me because I shouldn’t be so self-conscious about my age, and angers me at the same time because I shouldn’t be MADE so self-conscious about it! Up to the point of lying about my age on my dating profile last year, to show up in the search results of less enlightened 30-year-old men 🙂

    As an evolutionary psychologist, I could bore you with the genetical and cultural origins of the kind of thinking that make men wanting to ‘acquire’ a distinctively younger female specimen. But I rather wish to focus on reality, the here-and-now. And fact is that this kind of thinking is wide-spread, and on my more gloomy days, I would say that it is growing, both in acceptance and visibility. “HonestJohn”, from the reply on January 3th, is most definitely not a pearl among swine – but in his Neanderthal kind of way he expresses what a number of men quietly think to themselves.

    Can we blame the men in question? Or should we perhaps take a look at what the media presents us with – whether it’s in movies, tv-series or commercials: forty-something male characters are sometimes played by fifty-something actors, but forty-something female characters are almost always played by thirty-something women. Whatever the presumed age of the role, the women portraying it have seldom achieved that age. It’s not rocket science to understand how this would shape, and strengthen, the idea that women in their forties are old and men in their forties are not.

    Some women are dried up and shriveled when they hit forty. Some men are. Both sexes benefit from “taking good care of themselves, physically, mentally, emotionally and nutritionally”. But the saying (at least in the Netherlands) that “men age like fine wine, and women more like milk” has rooted in our culture and seems to be endorsed by the significant number of men. That being said, I despise the kind of woman that explicitly states she would only date younger men, just as much as the kind of man that’s only interested in younger women. You both are either shallow or don’t come outside enough to see that there are more than enough people your own age, with whom you experience that kind of connection – or may suit you even better.

    I’m happy to read that you saw the light Alex! 😉

    1. I think that one area that we’re not really examining is the health costs of being in a shitty marriage and raising children. Disease literally means dis-ease; we are not at ease. i.e., we are in a place of stress. The more stress one has, the greater toll that will take on health, looks, etc. The same is true for the reverse. I think THAT is one of the biggest factors that we should all be talking about and looking at in our own lives: what’s our level of stress? how can we reduce that? how can we take better care of ourselves? These are not easy questions to answer. Even though I’m not a parent, I have been a child. I also see what goes on with my friends who are parents. It’s unbelievably taxing in so many ways: on the marriage, finances, physically, emotionally, time-wise. As an evolutionary psychologist, perhaps you’d be willing to get nerdy on us.
      Back in the day, we lived in tribes (i.e., shared parental responsibilities). With the advent of agriculture, we got private property and the beginnings of the nuclear family (for a great read, check out Sex at Dawn!).

      I think we are like fish swimming in water. But we’re so used to the water that we don’t recognize that we’re swimming in water! It’s the air we breathe.

      What is? The way we do marriage and child-raising. I don’t know the answer, but I can recognize some of the problems.

      I am very curious about the idea of multi-families; kinda creating mini-tribes, urban tribes (potentially) where there are more shared roles amongst more than two adults raising children.

      Another great alternative I’ve seen is a co-housing community. I used to live in one called East Lake Commons, outside of Atlanta, GA. There is a huge shared space, and in the daytime, kids can just roam it, free, and parents don’t have to worry so much. The roads are on the outside, and the homes, and that creates a huge green-space for the children. There’s also more neighborliness, so you have more social connections that you can rely on to share the burden of child-raising.

      Anyway. Curious about your thoughts on all that, and also (to you or anyone reading), please chime in! I’d love to hear more ideas, resources, and thoughts!

      Thanks for the post.

  12. Hehehe!!!!
    I just turned 60’and never felt so hot than since I turned 50!!!
    I am the first surprised!
    At 40 start preview of menopause for some … I was lucky to have it done at that age, it lasted 10 years… And then the energy cane back stronger! I was far to imagine this possible as menopause was so exausting…a total new life started, more and more confident, deep peace within, consciousness increasing day after day … Amazing process of maturing!
    The little sad side is to have worked so many years to create a master piece and see now the skin under earth attraction who goes in the other direction than the explosion of life within… a pity I was unable to see life like I see it now to be able to enjoy my body when I was younger.
    But all good so far, the sweet daily discipline worked quite well:)
    I invite you to follow me on Instagram and FB , we can all create a better world to live in!
    Blessings for 2016✨🌿✨

  13. Again John you failed to get your facts right . A skimpy is an Australian term for bikini / lingerie barmaid mostly working in mining towns . There’s no need to strip because we make minimum 50 bucks n hr plus tips which are usually at least $200 per shift . Feel free to buy my book , Skimpy and educate yourself 🙂

  14. This is hilarious. Being 43 I find that confidence is what men find attractive. I have an education for myself, I stay active and physically fit for myself, I eat healthy or I eat cake for myself. If someone I meet has the same likes as me and can stimulate me mentally then great. I must say I have never been into younger men, there is something about being seasoned by the world and all its glory. Sharing in stories of past generations. I don’t wanna talk about growing up in the 70’s and 80’s while the young man I could be out with hasn’t even been born yet. Still it really doesn’t matter what your age is, if your an asshole your an asshole.

  15. Loved this article… Confidence is so attractive but so lacking in women. I talk to a lot of ladies who need a lot of practice in everything you talked about. But once that awareness and confidence clicks, they can be unstoppable. It’s awesome when all that insecurity gives way to confidence and a whole lot of peace; not to mention a whole lot of fun getting to know new people, having friends with benefits, exploring, actually living life.

  16. In my experience of our modern dating world that I blog about, I have found that:

    1) A woman over 40 will tell you exactly what she wants in bed. Much more willing to reciprocate and less inhibited.

    2) She’ll have her own money and won’t be interested in yours. Will pay for things too.

    3) Is less likely to be flaky. When she says she’ll be there, she’ll be there.

    4) Less drama; they have their sh*t together. Only the head-cases will still play silly games.

    Give me a cougar/MILF over an alcoholic, whimsical 20-something trying to find herself any day…

  17. I turn 50 this month and I am more confident, sexy and “together” than I was at twenty years of age. I also stopped dyeing my hair and let it revert to it’s natural grey—and I have received lots of compliments from men and women alike. I married a sexy man (two years my junior) twenty-three years ago and we have been making sweet music ever since. Kudos to the writer for realizing what he was missing.

  18. Wow! Thanks SO much for the validation, Boy Child Author! I feel SO much better about myself now! I can go out and fuck anyone now that I’ve got YOUR permission to feel sexy! Wooohooo!
    Fucking asshat. Welcome to the party. You’re super fucking late.

  19. “my next girlfriend will definitely be over 40.”

    Not with that condescending smug attitude she won’t.

    Not sure if you’re deliberately trying to come off as a self involved d-bag but you do. Maybe this is a satire blog. I haven’t read your other stuff.

    However, the way this reads is that 40 something women should be glad that men their own age suddenly find them attractive and acceptable to date.

    Not true. You can’t lump all men and all women together like that. Some date older, younger or close to their age.

    I find it to be about common interests and maturity, so if you find yourself drawn to someone significantlyyounger who gazes at you adoring, look inward my friend, not at the newly discovered “hot 40+” dating pool.

    No one there would put up with your shenanigans for more than a nanosecond.

  20. I ignored all the other comments but wanted to say you are 100% correct in your assessment of the differences. Are you familiar with the OK Cupid blog? I once quoted a piece on my own blog about the evidence they found proving the points you make. At 42, I’m a way better lover and partner than I was in my 20s and 30s, and I’m so pleased to come across men who appreciate that.

  21. I was thinking about why men, or more appropriately society, values young women more than women in their prime. By prime, I mean women who have come into their own as you describe in your article. I had this idea that maybe it’s because of availability. For centuries, women over the age of 18 (sometimes as young as 13, 14) were typically married off thus becoming the property of a man. So naturally a man would have to look for sexual companionship with young women. What society is going to sexualize women who are in their midlife when those women are supposed to be raising children and serving in a domestic capacity to their husbands. It seems counter productive to the social structure and status quo. So how long does it take the human psyche to overcome centuries of mating norms? (sounds so animalistic doesn’t it?) Single women over 30 were a rarity up until the 60s and 70s. Most women who were single were “old maids” or lesbians lucky enough to come from well to do families and they didn’t have to marry for financial support or security. Of course, there are always exceptions to these norms but by and large, this was the way society operated. So here we are, only 40-50 years out from the radical societal change in relationships, marriage and family structure. I theorize that our marketing practices and dating and sexual preferences haven’t caught up with the human social changes that have happened in less than 2 or 3 generations. Other examples of this would be the alienation of the worker when the cottage industry quickly changed through industrialization practices. (look at Carl MArx and his example of the shoe) or The enlightenment period. In this example when the church transferred much of its wealth to the government (the crown), there was a lag in social secularization. ( better explained in “The Sacred Canopy”) by Peter Burger.

  22. Isn’t it funny how all women fail to teach these things to their daughters? I mean, it’s not that hard.
    As for men, they do learn from their fathers, starting from how to get women in the first place.

  23. Over 40 is the new sexy???
    Yeah. Keep telling yourselves that…

    You women are utterly delusional.

    And the only men that will ever agree with you are men bereft of options.

    The top tier men want absolutely nothing to do with older women. So have fun with the scraps…

  24. A 17 year old girl will beat a 30something woman any day.what men value in females is not the confidence,being direct and being liberated you mention. Those are what you as females value and THINK men also value. Those qualities make sense to you and they should.But what men are looking for is not that. Now you can waste time and tell me what you think I should like,or you can shut up and let me tell you what we men like. Before I do let me be the first to tell you that many women reach their late 30s to early 40s still very beautiful. There is a certain beauty that comes with maturity that is very appealing.
    But to call young girls silly and all that is just picking up a fight you can never win. Because youth trumps maturity in our eyes.there is a reason 16 year old girls are called Sweet 16,and that has nothing to do with intelligence.its about the body. The youthfulness. That is what men like. At that age the girl doesn’t know a lot about sex;but guess what? That only adds to her value. Inexperience trumps sexual confidence any day. Coz experience in a woman means she has had a lot of lovers.and that is never a good thing.
    Never shame men your age who go for younger girls as pervs or pedos,coz that only makes more men wana do just that. Never,,I mean never belittle young women,,coz as pretty as many of u 40+ women are,you can never have the same influence their fresh bodies have on the minds of men.
    Your best bet is also to forget about men your own age and date younger guys.its a trend that’s strong where I’m from (South Africa).younger men have always adored older women, hell even I did. Let these older men date the younger women. Older women have the experience that younger men crave.And older men have the same experience that younger women crave too. Its all win-win.
    I’m a man of 35 and I don’t date any girl older than 21. Am I a perv? Maybe in other people’s book. Do I care? Why should I? When I was 23 did I date 19 year old girls? No. I dated women 30 yrs +. I’m talking all this from personal experience as well as what I’m seeing around me. Though done discreetly by those who do.

  25. I just turned 46. I’ve been married to a man 8 years older than me for 20+ years. A good provider and sweet man, we’ve always been mismatched sexually and now that he’s over 50, he suffers with erectile dysfunction.
    I on the other hand, have hit my prime and want sex several times a day. His 2-4x per month preference just doesn’t work for me. Yes, I use “other” methods to make up for the lack, but it just isn’t the same. I love and respect my husband, which is why I’m still with him and haven’t cheated, despite my frustration.
    I’ve never considered myself a beauty, but men have always shown interest. I keep myself in decent shape currently a size 10 and I love to dress up.
    Recently, a 22 year old man has taken a strong interest in me (No, I wasn’t looking). I like him a lot, but have managed to put him off despite our mutual attraction. I’ve never dated anyone younger than me… ever. Much less someone 24 years younger. I struggle with the age difference, far more than he does.
    Ideally, I would love to have an open marriage so that I can remain with my life partner, but still get the satisfaction I crave. I don’t think my husband will go for it, even though it would be a relief for him to not have to provide something his body simply refuses to do. But if I do take on this new lover, it will likely end in divorce.
    I feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I do end up divorced, I most certainly will not date someone my own age. They simply aren’t up to par in bed.
    Those of us that liked older men when we were younger, suffer for it when we hit our prime.

    1. Wow. That’s such a raw statement. Thank you. Your struggle is one that I imagine many women deal with, as well. My question: why not talk with your husband about it–what you’re dealing with? I don’t think he’ll divorce you for bringing it up, and you may even be surprised. But if you don’t bring it up, and you don’t act to get your needs met, a part of you starts to die, in my opinion. I say this from my own personal experience. And not being a shell of a human being is more important than upsetting our partner or even losing our relationship/marriage. To me, anyway. Thanks again for the great share! Feel free to write more. I’d love to hear if anything changes for you. There may be more possibilities that emerge than you are currently aware of.

  26. Well the reason some of us like to be
    “dating playful young girls with underdeveloped personalities,”
    Is that the so called whole packet of so called adult females often lack in the
    joy department and they are consumed on how they are going to fix you as they
    are oh so mature and clever about life. And you are always wrong as they know better.
    So please do not pretend that 40+ females are just better. Sometimes they are not. At all.

  27. I love this article i am 42 and i am all about you described, and i am liberate to liberating , i am easy on the relationship and very easy to let go off what did bot work. I know what i want and i know how to get it. Thanks to make me feel comfortable with i feel !!

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