The New Sexy: Women Over 40

Exactly a year ago, I wrote the article below. It immediately went viral.

I’m 42 now. And maybe a little wiser. After many profound interactions with my readers, I decided it was time for an upgrade:

Click here to read, The New Sexy: Upgraded (2017).

 

I’m 41.

Until recently, when a woman over 40 checked out my dating profile, the first thought that popped up in my head was “too old”–and then I quickly moved on.

I would literally think, “Why is she checking me out? We’re not even in the same generation.”

No lie.

I shared this revelation with my friend, Heather, who’s in her 30’s, and she challenged me: “You ARE over 40 Alex. Your age range is from 26-41. Why do you date younger women, but not women your own age?”

But they’re not my own age, I muttered to myself. They’re old–and I’m not.

Based on our conversation, and just for kicks, I changed the upper age range for my dating search to 45. Lo and behold! It was like entering a secret vortex of hotness:

Women over 40.

These women were confident! They were bold! They were liberated! And they were HOT!

1) Confident:

The’ve had some life experience. Usually, they’ve already been through a marriage, parenthood and probably a divorce.

They no longer need a man to fill some void in their life; they know what they want, and they’re not afraid to go after it! They are also comfortable in their own skin. They don’t do the whole bullshit routine that unmarried women do in their 20’s and 30’s.

They’re no longer trying to be the woman that will attract the man. They know their value, and they own their beauty, which radiates from the inside-out.

2) Bold:

Many women in their 20’s/30’s allow men to transgress their boundaries–constantly–without sticking up for themselves. You will NOT see a woman over 40 make this mistake very often.

Both groups handle this kind of thing in different ways. Women in their 20’s/30’s will most likely grin and bear it, hoping their guy understands the subtle hints and psychic messages that are being sent in his general direction (feel free to laugh now).

But as time goes on and their needs remain unmet, the resentment builds until they over-react, often about something completely unrelated, and then blame their partner for it. Let’s just call this the indirect approach.

Women over 40, by contrast, use the direct approach. When something doesn’t feel right, they lay down the law, setting clear boundaries for the future.

But here’s the beautiful thing: after they’ve spoken their peace, they’re done. The slate is wiped clean, and everything is hunky-dory again.

No future backlashes.

No re-hashing it a week (or several) later.

It’s really over.

3) Liberated:

Most women who are over 40 and dating have usually taken charge of their lives by ending a bad relationship. (Yes, women end most marriages.)

This isn’t easy. Most people just want to stay comfortable; even when they’re not very happy.

Why?

Because ending our relationship often involves a major life upheaval: moving out, figuring out what to do with children, splitting up finances, etc.

It takes tremendous courage to do so, and I give major props to anyone who has left a crappy marriage or relationship. There is no greater joy than the feeling of liberation after having lived in a cage for too long.

The irony is, that for most of us, we’re holding the key to our own cage! Once a woman–or anyone, for that matter–has gotten out of their cage, the last thing they plan to do is get stuck in another one.

They also have no desire to put someone else in a cage, either.

Their liberation is liberating. 

For this reason, you can say pretty much whatever you’d like to a woman over 40. She may not agree, but she’ll give you the space to be you. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for, anyway? Someone with whom we can be ourselves.

4) HOT:

I could have gone with sexy, but… who are we kidding? Most women prefer to be called hot over sexy–as long as she knows that you value all of her attributes (and not just her physical ones).

When a woman has taken good care of herself throughout her 20’s and 30’s (physically, mentally and emotionally), and she’s confident, bold and liberated, there’s a good chance that she is going to be hot.  

Furthermore, she no longer feels the need to follow societal norms about sex, love or dating. Without the need to strategize to catch a man, she does what feels right, and what works for her. How liberating!

And isn’t someone who is liberated super-sexy? I mean, even if you’re not physically attracted to that person, they can still be SUPER-SEXY!

I’m not sure where all this is going to lead, but isn’t that part of the fun? The not-knowing. The discovery. The possibilities. 

Regardless of what happens, I do know one thing:

I’m going to keep dating women over 40.

 

If you enjoyed this, make sure to check out:

 The New Sexy: Upgraded (2017)

Subscribe to my blog here

www.alexobed.com

 

 

 

266 thoughts on “The New Sexy: Women Over 40

    1. Cindy I hope you take the time to read some of the other posts by Sky. I believe it will even give you a whole new perspective towards this post. I’m actually somewhat addicted to his writing. He easily lays out all his wounds from his failed attempts at life which many of us can relate too.

      1. The title of my next book: “My failed attempts at life.” I think you might be onto something. And… ehem… there may or may not be “add” waiting in your fb. (hint, nudge nudge, push)

    2. Yes y’all are pretty awesome to be with. I’m 31 and, have been with a 47 year old woman for three months. She’s the greatest thing to happen to me

      1. You got 8,000 views because you are discussing the largest market of social media participants with the largest purchasing power on the internet. The title and photo are excellent click-bait, and it is being recommended (in my case) by a mutual friend who is 40+. I wish I could agree that this was a great article. There is a ton of potential for sure.

        I am speaking up because what’s lacking here is vulnerability. It’s ok to refer to one person or a few people you’ve encountered. It’s ok to be honest and share from your experience. I don’t think you mean to extrapolate and stereotype an entire group of people with your small sample size. You don’t seem to want to continue to depersonalize or objectify the same group of people you’ve been avoiding all this time. I hear your enthusiasm. You seem to mean to lift us up.

        But ultimately – down deep under the covers where nobody knows us – we are people. And you are a person. And when two people meet there is a litany of potentials that either get expressed or don’t. I’m more interested in your journey. What’s happening inside of you? As you said, I already know me.

      2. Hey Jessica. Interesting post. Thank you for that. I actually considered that while writing it–was I being vulnerable enough? Ultimately, there is vulnerability in it, but it’s all relative, isn’t it? I mean, what may feel to me as being vulnerable may seem like no big deal to you. I’ll say this much, though: you want vulnerability? go read some of my other blog posts on alexobedblog.wordpress.com. I assure you that you will find a lot more vulnerability in other posts. Part of what I always have to navigate, as a writer, is my audience. The attention span of people is SO SMALL that I do want to reach more people; and I think that the people who want to go deeper will comment and be part of a larger community. I’d rather make that trade up-front and use click-bait (and reach 100,000 people+, which is where we are at after less than 3 days), and hopefully have that spur other conversations with perhaps 1/2 of 1% than write something that gets seen by 100 people (which is what normally happens). You make valid points, and I wish that I could write a 10,000 word piece and have that go viral, but I don’t know if that’s realistic. Here’s what DID come up for me late last night–as I was thinking of this very same issue: what if I wrote two pieces: the short teaser piece, and then the longer, more in-depth piece with a link to it at the bottom for people who want to sink their teeth into it? How do you like that as an idea? Thanks so much for responding!

      3. I enjoyed the post and yet is still seems somewhat superficial and corporeal – the external appearance does not always reflect the priceless inner qualities (a woman can have it all together body / sexually / health / intellectually / financially and still be spiritually dead inside).

        It just seems to me that the dating scene…the quest for that external gratification called ‘relationship’ is still a glorified “meat market” and very distasteful how this plays out and leaves people unable to know what love & relationship is really about.

        https://youtu.be/h1LUGcUmPNc – Something to consider. Opinions?

        However my opinion here reflects the quality of how I am feeling right now and the diverticulitis and hiatus hernia are on attack today. For what it’s worth.

      4. Hi Debra. I agree. For me, “hotness”/attractiveness is never enough to sustain an actual relationship/friendship with someone. But it’s something that I look for when doing the online dating thing. It gets someone in the door, and then we take a look (both of us) and see if there is chemistry and if we connect. It is totally a meat market, and I think one of my next blog posts might be on the whole psychology of “swiping.” There is a good little video that fits this well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGdzSvRQlUo.

      1. The way she crosses her legs.. the confidence… she totally embodies the characteristics of my blog post! (I LOVE finding the perfect picture–as do you, I know.) 🙂

    1. Hey V. I know this is a big ask, but would you consider sharing my post on your blog? I’m thinking that I might make a go of this whole writing thing, and this is my best one yet! Either way, it’s all good!

  1. I love this post! I turned 40 this summer and dreaded it. But now, I love it. I find, in my experience, that it’s usually men in their mid-30’s that seek me out.

  2. I turned 40 this year. And yep, I’m pretty typical of the picture your’e painting. Thanks for the reminder 😉 And yeah the younger men who get it, they have DEFINATELY discovered secret treasure… haha… Interestingly I have been dating men a couple of years older in the last year or two and rarely have they been much different in maturity to the younger ones. Hmmmmm…. Generally not many can keep up. Whats with that? Didn’t they ask for a woman who is a hot bed of delight?

  3. I can only wonder what incredible women inspired such a wonderful post? Hope you keep her around long enough to hopefully one day inspire you to do more with your unique ability for words. You have a talent most of dream to have. You’re sort of obligated to all of us to do something with it.

  4. I love almost all of this post but what about women over 40 who have never been married/divorced/had children are we still as ‘innocent’ as the 20/30 yr olds? Just curious on your thoughts.

      1. Hi Sky you didn’t use innocent I was just too lazy to quote all your references to women who have married/divorced etc. I meant if a woman is over 40 and never married, no kids does that mean she doesn’t have the same qualities as women who have. So I’m asking if you think that a woman like me (almost 42, never married, no kids) has more in common with the the 20-30 somethings that she does with women her own age. I’m truly curious. Not picking at your post at all

    1. In all honesty, I’d say this: I think there is something to this idea of being “caged” in life; once you’re “released,” it’s like all those YEARS of energy/feelings/passion are awakened and need an outlet–like NOW! With women who have never been married, though I wouldn’t presume to generalize like I know, I would think that never actually being caged would make them still liberated, just not as in touch with their liberation (if that makes sense).

      1. This makes perfect sense to me, I’m almost 42, never married but spent many years in a very tough relationship. Took me 13 years to finally break free. It was very liberating, scary too. I absolutely love this article, it’s a fantastic read and I thank you for seeing what women over 40 are really like 😉

    2. Melissa, I had the same thoughts when I read the article. There were many references to her probably having already been married/divorced. Since I’ve done neither of those, I’m not able to identify with the post as much. Although, I still find myself liberated because I own my choice.

  5. Why not flip the narrative, set your age limit to 37-56, and learn something impressive about yourself. Adding a mere 4 years to your upper limit and you somehow have had a revelation about “older women?” Please. Spare me.

    When you were in high school or college did you have a problem dating someone four years older? I highly doubt it. In my experience, most men don’t start freaking out about the upper-limit age gap till they turn 35-ish and see the frownlines deepening in their own faces. Somehow, a 32-year-old man dating a 36-year-old woman is not a big deal. But ask a man at 36 to date a woman that’s 40? “No no no, that’s out of the question! She’s TOO OLD!”

    Really? Tell the truth and shame the devil: Who is the one that’s “too old” in this equation? In my experience, the man is “too old” for himself. A younger woman helps him forget that tiny fact. She becomes the mirror in which he prefers to see himself.

    As a woman who just turned 44 this week, I’m sick of constantly getting hit on by men who are in their mid to late 50s–The mirror opposite of you. It pisses me off to no end that they feel “entitled” (some are downright argumentative and pushy about it) to date a much younger woman, but wouldn’t even remotely consider someone their own age.

    Even when men are my own age, when I see their acceptable age range on a dating website is roughly 15 years their junior to a couple of years over their own age (you know, like your own), I don’t even consider them as dating possibilities. I have never once had a good experience in dating those men. Their egos tend toward the fragile and they bring little of value to my table.

    Also, food for thought: the last man I dated is 27. When we met, I thought he was between 30-35 and he thought I was between 30-35. We were each stunned to learn the other’s actual age. With a 16.5 year age gap, you’d think it would have been obvious. But it wasn’t. Good thing, too. I would never have remotely considered dating him, had I know his actual age. But, biologically speaking, it’s quite lovely. No prescription required for him to keep up with me.

    1. Hey Belinda. Thanks for responding–and thanks for your provocative post! Let’s see… I have played with my age range, actually–thru 49 and occasionally even beyond (again just for fun)–and I am talking to a woman his 49/50. But I don’t feel when we’re taking a risk that we have to go “all the way” (no pun intended). I think it’s okay to first step your foot in the water and see how cold (or hot) it is! So, this is a first attempt at sharing some of these discoveries. In all honesty, if I shared that I had gone 50+ in my explorations, that would probably freak out most men to the point of abandoning readership, and I want to keep people involved in the conversation. I love women who are empowered to date like men have been doing for awhile, with respect to age. More power to ya’all! Even if many men do have “fragile egos,” I think people are just where they’re at! I like to push the envelope, and I’ll continue to do that in my own life! But I will always push it according to my own comfort levels, without any pressure to conform to what someone else believes is appropriate or not. Dating my own age has been a first step! Who knows, maybe I will expand even beyond that. For the meantime, I will keep it light and fun. 🙂

      1. “In all honesty, if I shared that I had gone 50+ in my explorations, that would probably freak out most men to the point of abandoning readership, and I want to keep people involved in the conversation”

        It’s funny….I honestly didn’t love this post, but love the conversation you started. I quoted you above because I wanted to offer unsolicited advice from another writer: write what’s true for you, ALWAYS and have little concern for what others will do or think about your writing. Don’t make excuses. Just do. You organically wrote a post about your experience and it blew up. Just keep being your authentic self and the readers will come! Congrats on the hits! It’s a high to see eyes on your work, right? 😉

      2. Well, I quoted YOU, haha…and the advice was just mine. (Happy to see you read Writing Down the Bones! That book should be required reading for anyone working on writing!!)

    2. I’m with you, Belinda! Just when our fires start to really burn, when we really know who we are and come into our own, we’re too old? Those silly boys that won’t date ‘older women’ (read: their OWN age) are truly missing an eye-opening, toe-curling, mind-blowing experience. I, myself, have a loose dating range of 10 years either side of my own age (almost 43). Good for you, Sky, for opening up your requirements a little and seeing the light. I speculate that if you nudged that number up just a little higher, you might be in for even more delightful surprises. We women are like fine wine.

    3. “Really? Tell the truth and shame the devil: Who is the one that’s “too old” in this equation? In my experience, the man is “too old” for himself. A younger woman helps him forget that tiny fact. She becomes the mirror in which he prefers to see himself.” <<< Now this is the absolute truth!

    4. I absolutely agree with you. I’m only 31 but when I used to date online, I would avoid guys who had a much larger lower age range like the plague. I found exactly the same you say with the fragile egos and low sense of self that these men must have to be correlated with needing some young trophy for a partner. And yes people are where they are at, and no one’s perfect, but by weeding out these guys, I’ve ended up with someone more self-aware who is actively interested in bettering himself personally, as I am, so that is a great thing to have in common! Not to mention he is not shallow and does not expect me to look like a plastic doll or a 9 year old girl. So yes…these seemingly minute details can be quite telling!

  6. I hate to break it to You. But a Hot sexy Professional woman with a career who has confidence normally dates a much your man. I never thought that would be me but I have 7 friends, all in our 40’s, all as you described in your article and well we just prefer the a man 32 to 41. Why.? They are simply hot and we can :). It was not my intention in the beginning but it seems that young men really prefer to please us and we will not be looking for marriage. It was a pleasant surprise. Took a moment to get used to it, but we adapted.

  7. So good and so accurate…even down to the break up if you dare cross her boundaries a second time (after being directly advised of said boundary).

    It’s nice to be appreciated for aging (like a fine wine).

    Thank you for your work!

  8. Even though I’m not divorced, thanks for the props!
    I always wanted to please the “boys” when I was younger. Now that I’ve hit my 40’s I have realized more of my own worth.
    Will my marriage survive this new realization? That remains to be seen. But it is nice to know that if things don’t work out, I won’t be seen as “used goods” or be considered having a lot of baggage.

  9. Oh, yes! My friend, you have nailed it. I am also 41 and I certainly like to think that I am all those things you listed here, and for all those reasons. A younger man couldn’t handle this kind of post-divorce, raw sovereignty anyway, though I did enjoy test-driving a few newer models, just to see how they handled. Nope, I also had to come around in my thinking, and when I opened myself up to the possibility of “older” men, that is when I hit the jack pot. This truth runs both ways…men over 40 who’ve figured these things out and have their shit together, are INFINITELY more attractive than their younger brothers. I shared your post. 🙂

    1. And… yes! I have TONS of growing to do! (Don’t we all?) Nobody has to be anything, in my opinion. Like I said in my post… someone who is liberated is “incredibly sexy”–and that is independent of my or anyone’s attraction to that person, in my opinion. I’ve seen a 300lb stripper in Atlanta who was unbelievably sexy. Why? Not because I wanted to roll around and wrestle with her; but because SHE thought she was sexy. In the end, that’s all that matters!

  10. It’s great that you have opened your mind to dating women your own age and a bit older than you, but in the same breath, you’re making women in their 20s and 30s sound like immature, naive, doormats. I’m 33 years old and have never been “passive aggressive” about anything with men. I’ve dated guys 17 years older than me and guys 10 younger me and have never had a problem speaking my mind. Nor did i sit there pretending to be someone who I’m not. I think your blog makes 30 something year old women sound desperate and unsure of themselves, which is unfair and definitely doesn’t describe myself or my friends my age.

    1. Gabrielle. Hello. 🙂
      Yes, I am guilty of generalizing. There will always be exceptions–maybe even tons! I would just say this to all my readers: take what works and leave the rest behind! Of course, there are many many many very advanced women of all ages (and men). This is a massive generalization of my experience; however, I still think there is “truth within the lie.”

      Thanks for responding, and I’d be happy to hear more of your thoughts!

    2. Gabrielle, at your age I would have responded the EXACT same way. At my age (43), I’m amazed at how different I am when it comes to confidence and knowledge of self. For example, I’ve never been passive aggressive – at any age. But now that I’m older, I find that although that continues, there’s a slight turn to it in that I make fewer assumptions and am less judgemental of people’s actions and intent. So although I don’t fully agree with all the generalizations made, I get where he’s going.

      As far as being unsure of ourselves, nice to hear that you and your friends are – great to have a whole squad of women like that! Personally, I think that all women are unsure of themselves (all people actually but men show/act out on their’s differently). I still am. Just less often and I have a quicker return to confidence when I have those moments..or days…or weeks!

  11. I’m tired of all of it. This article just made me realize in the new year I will not entertain people’s narrow view of women. Old Fat Thin Drunk whatever. People need to stop being so judgmental.

    1. I don’t believe anyone is being judgmental Mary. Whether we like it or not we all have a list. A list of what we need or want from a partner. I recently went back into the dating world and had decided no list. My list from my 20’s somehow failed me. I’m now divorced with 2 girls. Don’t get me wrong because I love my life but it’s not the life I expected in my 20’s.

      I entered the whole dating world with the intentions of no list. Sadly I had a list but just didn’t realize it. When you use things like social media for dating your decision to make a connection is based on visual and a small blurb about someone. Those simple little details play a huge role on making a connection. For example I have a dating range. I have no interest in someone in their 20’s nor someone in their 50’s. As much as no one wants to admit it you need some sort of physical attraction, especially online. Now if I was shopping and bumped carts with someone and we started to chat then that’s a whole other experience because it’s not an image or blurb. You can build a real connection. Now if he happened to be 300lbs I’d be nice but that’s about it. I’m an extremely active girl but in spite of that I’d still need some sort of a physical attraction.

      In the end men are not the only ones with check lists.

  12. Ahhh ….you have stepped into the nectars of women in their 40’s. You are right on point as you enthusiastically navigate in this new world of delicious sensuality and confidence. Personally, I gravitate towards a younger man who can and does serve me on many levels. Bravo on this blog post…. May you pleasurably continue to bathe in the wonderment and ecstasy of women in their 40’s.

  13. Hi there,
    I’m feeling very lucky 🍀 to have noticed the above discovery already at my early 20. Now, 18 years later I still feel the same about it. Is it ever going to stop??? (smile smile).

  14. I just read this article and it is true yet too many men in this age group don’t appreciate us, therefore some are left to do what the men are doing, dating younger men..ehem..but we are labeled for doing that. Why?

  15. I don’t think age really matters. Women mature faster than men. So a younger woman could have the same mentality as an older man. There are really only two key points that truly matter when dating… You must have some type of physical attraction. People who say looks don’t matter are lying to you. They do matter. You have to be able to look at your partner and have that insatiable urge of wanting to jump their bones, at any given moment. You also have to be able to connect mentally. If you have nothing in common, nothing to talk about… The physical chemistry will eventually fade and you will be left with nothing. But what do I know anyway…. I’m only 39… Not over 40… Not in that “older woman” category yet.. Lol. Namaste

  16. Thank you for this article. It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I am in the process of a separation/divorce, that I started and feel a new confidence coming on. This gives me hope that there are more men out there that will appreciate us Hot/Sexy/Confident women, not girls. I truly know what I am now looking for, what NOT to look for. I have taken care of myself well over the years and I am very much looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I am excited, nervous and overjoyed at what is coming next. BRING IT ON!!!!!

  17. I joined a dating site for one month. To my surprise most guys that messaged me were in their 20’s. Instantly I was like ” GAAAAWWWDDD. Really?” What am I going to do with a 20 something and why are they not going for women their own age. It seemed obvious at the time in my short sites thinking at the time that they obviously think older women are desperate and an easy target for the once in a while jump and because a lot of these women have kids or a career that they won’t become attached the way a 20 something might. So it’s an “easy” relationship, so to speak. What came as a surprise to me though is that I got along better with some if these guys more that men around my own age. I only met one guy off the dating site and closed my account because I really just didn’t like the carousal of repetitive life explanations. Pretty exhausting. But in saying this I resonated with how you said that women know what they want ( some at 20’s and 30’s too) and can let the other person develop and have their own space which does suit woman who are raising kids and working on their career.
    I can say that I am a lot more laid back and understanding then I was ten years ago and there is freedom in that. In that freedom comes a better sense if self ( seriously kept mentally quoting Braveheart with the word freedom. True story. Lol)
    What about touching on libidos ? It has been discussed that older women and you see men work because if matching libidos. This is a different subject altogether and one that could be debated whole-heartedly but interesting none the less.
    ALSO ( yes, I am a glutton for topic punishment) body confidence of women who have been through childbirth, time and other things when it comes to dating. What do these guys think. Really? What so women feel when exposing their mummy tummies and less that perky boobs or bums that looked like they got a swift kick with golf shoes. That would be a cool topic.
    I am rambling now….
    Thanks for the article. Enjoyed it!

    1. Wow! A lot of good stuff in this post! Thanks so much for sharing. Libido=definite great idea for a new conversation. I’d be very interested in talking to you more about your experience dating a much younger guy. I think that would be a very fun topic to explore. The “mummy tummies” topic, wow. That would be a very sensitive topic to explore (read: tread carefully, Alex). Please keep reading and responding! I really appreciate your input 🙂 ~Alex

      1. Thanks Alex! I appreciate your response. You know when you read back your response and are like ” dammit! Why did I not spell check. Grrr” lol. Fist up to the air…
        Oh I can give you some very interesting topics. Can email me anytime about my experiences😁

  18. Yes it’s true, most of us men over 35 have a dating range which is something like that stated in the article. for me it’s about 28-39 (+/- 1 year… but that would have to be a really mature 27 or a very youthful 40). let me expand:

    – I’m 41 and everyone (who tries to guess my age or doesn’t know me) tells me I look 35. why shouldn’t I be inclusive of someone who’s a “match” but younger than my chronological age? I don’t want someone who is 39, but looks 45 (a lot of these) when I can aspire to someone who’s still youthfully attractive, to grow old together with. and then enjoy being with them when they’re in their early 40’s, even when I’m not.

    – I’m 41 and I still want to have kids and start a family. that pretty much rules out dating anyone 40 or above. even someone well into their late 30’s becomes sorta questionable, in this context. But if it’s just about the older woman / hot for teacher fantasy then hey, go date whomever.

    And finally,
    – I have a mental age which is not absolute, but more like a range depending on the situation or mood… let’s say 30-41. Therefore most people I am friends with and enjoy hanging out with are in this range. While I won’t rule out any female 28-29, they are just below the sweet spot. But I’d certainly be most comfortable dating or in a relationship with someone in this overall range mentioned above.

    And the BIG kicker, if they all looked like the photo attached in this article, this would be mostly a no-brainer. The problem is, 98% of them trying to date, look absolutely nothing like this.

    1. Brian, thanks so much for your post! I think you bring up a very interesting point: having a family! I’m no expert on the issue (never married, no kids), but I do think it totally makes sense to consider age for healthy babies, etc. You’re right, for me, part of the allure of women over 40 is that I’m not looking to get settled down right now (even though I’m 41!), and I think that women over 40 are more “chill” in that department. A very good friend told me that I just don’t understand what it’s like to be a woman in her late 20’s and 30’s, due to the influence of the biological clock. She said that it can make women feel totally crazy and have a huge effect on how women interact in relationships. That’s a huge topic that I am also excited to explore! I also like this idea of a “mental age range.” Fascinating. Thanks again for sharing. A rare post by a man on here! I hope to see more.

  19. This post reeks of sexism. Your naive descriptions of “how women are” really pigeonhole women of all ages, and this “all women would rather be hot than sexy” bullshit? Where you go on to paternalistically insist that women must take care of themselves in ways you’ve defined attractive (nutritionally? really? you want to make sure your spicy hot woman has gotten enough folic acid and vitamin A?)? Ew. Just, ew.

    It’s great that you’ve stopped being a douche about age, but you aren’t some sort of pioneer, and women in your own age group aren’t “uncharted territory” or any kind of territory. You aren’t qualified to say how most women are, regardless of age. And while you insist on wanting these newly “liberated” women, you still focus solely on how you want it because you think it’s sexy, not because you care for the liberation of women. Apparently they still aren’t liberating from the role of having to be sexy to please you.

    I’m 37. I’ve never in my adult life needed a man to feel whole or happy. I’ve never trapped myself in a prison of a marriage because I’ve always been liberated, and I don’t need some bro on the internet to validate the sexiness of that choice for me.

    Just, ew. This post is ew.

    1. alabamagoddamn: Yes, yes, GOD YES!!!!! I was thinking pretty much the same thoughts as I read this. I felt ‘mansplained’ to about my own gender and age. Pretty naive and clueless of Sky, in my opinion.

    2. Thanks for your post. First off, obviously I’m writing using a lot of generalizations. By no means is it meant to fit everyone whatsoever! The way I think about it is this: keep what resonates and dump the rest! If none resonates, so be it. However, it IS resonating with a good bit of people, if you care to read the rest of the comments. There are many women who are saying, “YES. YES. YES” because that’s their experience. There are also a TON of women sharing this, so… not sure what else to say to that.

      Obviously, there isn’t a “right” and “wrong” here. Am I going to really be able to do a proper analysis in 1,200 words of the current dating situation? Ha. No. But it’s a start. Look at what it’s already done. You and I are here having a dialogue about it!

      By the way, who said anything about anyone being required to please me? No one has to be sexy for me. But when I find sexy spicy hot, watch out!

      With regard to “nutritionally,” etc…. I think you’re ascribing intentions that aren’t there. Look, we age. It’s a fact. Gravity takes over for all of us. You do you. I’ll be me. I know the kind of woman I’m attracted to.

      Yet, at the heart of what you’re saying, there is something that has nothing to do with me! It’s so engrained in our culture: that women’s value is connected to their physicality.

      I don’t think I agree, at least not for me. If I’m on a dating site, yes, I am looking for someone who I find sexually attractive. If I meet someone out in the real world, then I don’t care so much because my main goal isn’t necessarily to hook up, etc.

      I am playful with words; you may not appreciate expressions like “unchartered territory,” and that’s ok with me. I give myself creative license to express myself without too much of a filter–for better and for worse!

      It’s almost NYE, so this is the best I can do for now. Thanks for responding, and Happy New Year!

      1. I mean. Some women are telling you we see major flaws in what you’ve written (there’s a much larger convo happening on my fb feed that you can’t see; many women are reading this and going “ew!”). You could take that to heart, listen, and try to learn and grow from this feedback.

        Or, you could jot off a defensive reply and not let the criticism in, continue mansplaining said women that we just don’t understand your point rather than accepting that we do and still see what’s wrong with it. What a complete surprise that no one could have ever predicted.

      2. I am open ears. But can you try to do it in a less attacking way; honestly, if you want people to hear you, in this case me, it will be more effective. I am completely open to your feedback. But I’m not completely open to being attacked. At the same time, this really isn’t about me: this is about striking a chord on a bigger issue. I just shined a spotlight on a part of it. Men and women will do the rest in day-to-day conversations. So the invitation is there.

      3. So, I have been thinking more on some of the things that you’ve mentioned. I see some of your points from a different vantage point now. I am going to be writing another post soon, partly from your push-back on the issue. Thanks for having the courage to have opinions and stick with them.

      4. Oh, so you don’t like my tone! When i’m pointing out that you are mansplaining and perpetuating harmful attitudes toward women, I should use a tone that doesn’t make you uncomfortable! Got it.

        What another complete surprise that no one could have predicted.

      5. Alabam… I re-read your comments. When you get some time, I’d love it if you would go into greater detail. You’re giving me snippets, and I’m not getting the full picture of what you’re pointing to. The more, the better. Thx.

    3. Alabamagoddam

      Everyone is welcomed to their own opinion which is great but at the same time I don’t see the liberation of picking apart one persons experience. I’ve done the whole tearing apart of men. The whole I am women hear me roar. Anyone’s opinion can be turned around into something more. Many look at it and accept it for what it is and some have a need to rip it apart. I remember a birthday where my husband gave me a spa day. The whole works, hair facial, massage and so on. I was so high on my soapbox because that’s where women like to be that I couldn’t just accept the gift for what it was. A kind gesture. Nope I attacked because this man had the nerve to tell me that I needed to be pretty for him. Why would I need a facial, why do I need my hair and nails done. His simple yet innocent gift started a war. A war I chose to start.

      I can easily pick apart your statement about being liberated. I’ve been married and I’ve had kids. Am I less liberating then you because I chose to get married? I didn’t need a man in my life to feel whole but I chose to have one. Am I more liberating because I’m single now? I’m 42 making my own money and raising kids on my own. I own my own house and car. I chose that and just like if one day I meet another it’s my decision to start another relationship. No one really needs anything to feel whole. Liberating is the freedom to chose what you want.

      Sky flat out said he’s a visual person. That’s his choice. He had an epiphany and he shared it.

    4. OMG…thank you for posting this. That is EXACTLY what I thought. Who the hell are these guys that get to judge us anyway. I am 65 by the way! And I teach spin, Body Pump and I DEFINITELY don’t need some young kid telling me I am “hot for my age!”

      1. I hear what you’re saying. It seems like a question of self-confidence vs. needing outside approval that you are bringing up. My intention with this post was really just to highlight my own realization in dating women my age and older than me; however, I can see how one of things I said, specifically about how a woman who takes care of herself in certain ways is more appealing to me, could be seen as proscriptive–as in, what women *should* do for us men. People are attracted to who they’re attracted to; some of us are held back by believing that the actual number/age of someone matters. We’re all on our own path. Thank you for your comment!

  20. I was rather hoping for an article wherein a 41 yr old man explores why he feels/felt that women over 40 are older, less sexy or less attractive, such that it’s an “exciting discovery!” to learn that, like him, they feel young, vibrant, fun, interesting, etc.

    Since this is a revelation, I’d like to learn more about how and why it was a revelation. Why did this man find women his own age “old” and himself “young?”

    1. Good questions. Not sure that I have an answer for you. Perhaps, social conditioning that has been very normal and natural for men to date and marry women who are significantly younger, but not vice versa? I would perhaps start there.

      1. I’m sure social conditioning is a large part of it.

        A lot of this has to do with not just how we view women (yes, women viewing themselves, too) largely in terms of youth/fertility beauty rather than whole-person with dignity and value. Right now, you are just barely scratching the surface at what ti is to look at a woman as a whole person with her own sovereignty and agency, her own dignity and value beyond the “youth/beauty” paradigm.

        Some of us have known this about themselves forever (i was 8 when I first came to understand — without language for it — sexism, and the overall feeling that I was “just like a boy” which meant “a whole person, not just a person who is valued mostly for whether or not she is pretty/beautiful), and some of us are just discovering it. I think it’s a large part of why some women are so attracted to this article “finally, we aren’t invisible!” But they aren’t questioning this socialisation either — the socialisation that makes women invisible as soon as they “look old” (previous male responder) while having the feeling of “but I’m still here, and I’m still me, and I still have a lot to offer, even if it’s not the common youth/beauty paradigm!”

        But, you really only scratched the surface because we were put back in the beauty box, rather than the full-person expression/experience. “hey, these “older” women are HOT. They aren’t young/beautiful, they are over-40 HOT.” Now, our HOTNESS that matters if we are over 40. Non-HOT women over 40 need not apply. Just like not-pretty young women need not apply either. Only valuable if HOT. Bummer.

        And you might also consider the flip side — look at how we are “trained” to approach men. First, we spend the majority of our time cultivating “youth/beauty” which, over 40, translates to HOT. Then second, we have much lower expectations of men.

        Truth is, women have been socialised to look at men in a more ‘holistic’ way — to accept grey hair, wrinkles, and ‘dad bods’ from the time the guy graduates from uni, if not before. We’ve been told to “give him a chance” even if we aren’t attracted to him, because he “might be really nice and treat you well.” And a lot of women do end up discovering really great *people* and then become attracted to them, even if he doesn’t look like the man equivalent of the woman pictured (David Beckham maybe?). Maybe he just looks like an average guy.

        Imagine if men were put to the same standard: Do you think about needing to be HOT so that you’ll be “allowed” to date women your own age? So that women would set their dating profile age range to accept you? And if HOT is David Beckham, you’re actually getting off easy because he is grey and wrinkled, although very fit. So, your standard is even lower than woman’s there. You can be grey and have wrinkles, but you do need to be physically fit.

        When I look at it at the level of the language, it gets my mind moving. And, I’d be interested in your thoughts on how this works.

      2. Ok, Jenifer. Very thoughtful comment. I very much appreciate it. I’m going to have to reflect on this one, for sure. And, yes–admittedly, my post is really about ME; my discovery about Women Over 40 being “hot.” Perhaps you can fault me for being too proscriptive of how women can do that; as if I am somehow the arbitrator on what women can do to appeal to men. However, that’s really not my point! That’s why I DO say, if you recall, that it doesn’t matter if I’m attracted/think someone is sexy or not; what matters is what YOU think about yourself. When women–or men, for that matter–think they’re hot/sexy/spicy, then they ARE that, even if I’m not interested in them, physically speaking.

        But there is something that you’re pointing to that is much deeper here, and I really appreciate you bringing it up: that women’s value (again) is grounded in their physicality–whereas, with men, women have been “conditioned” to be more open to flaws and seeing the whole person. Did I get that right?

        One thing you didn’t mention was how MEN are the ultimate losers when it comes to this kind of conditioned thinking (and if not the “ultimate losers,” then at least very much shared losers). The objectification of women, which I think is at the heart of it what you’re speaking about, hurts us all–men and women, alike.

        Yes, we men are taught from an early age to see women as sexual objects; and it takes some definite effort from men to 1) become aware of this in the sometimes subtle ways in which it occurs; and 2) to then consciously work to develop a different relationship to women.

        For me, as I think I’ve stated in other comments, online dating is different than meeting someone in the “real world.” In regular life, I’m way more interested in the “whole person,” as you say. But sometimes in online dating, it’s about the physical… first! Ultimately, it’s about way more, and if there’s isn’t the connection piece to go with the chemistry, well, it may be HOT for awhile, but it’s not going to last. Often, men are judging women on Tinder, etc. right off the bat–and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, personally; there is just too many women and too little time, to be blunt. So, I think it’s somewhat natural that our first impression is based on physicality.

        Having said all this, I agree that there is a double-standard, and it would make a very interesting article–and one that I think YOU should write!

        You’re a great writer. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic in greater depth. Please feel free to respond back. I’d love to hear more!!!! You can also reach me at alexskyobed@gmail.com. Thanks again, Alex.

  21. I really enjoyed this article. I’m 42 and can relate with so much said there. Great writing and definitely going to follow your blog.

  22. Great read…but I beg to differ on some points, in a kind way of courses…
    I’m 50 this coming year…I’m often mistaken to be 30ish which I am always grateful for… I am a professional person and very respected in my field. Wellnes leader…mind, body, soul.
    I was married in my twenties for a few months and was heartbroken when it dissolved. That was 23 years ago and I have prayed for that special soul mate I know exists to come into my life ever since. Don’t get me wrong, I have lived my life… It is been full of adventure, fun, love, excitement, travel, and over the years I’ve become a very enlightened person as well. I help others through life challenges daily…
    In your article you state that women over 40 are confident, sure of themselves… know what they want… This is very true for many of us. Some not so much but that’s okay too as we are here to continuously evolve and grow… some just take longer to do so…lol
    … but the main point I’d like to make is this : it concerns me that the most common occurrence with men asking me out, whether they are younger, the same age, or older… The expectations surrounding sex.. immediately ..because I am older… I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard… “At your age, what are you saving it for?”
    Response: Precious… you just ruined any chance at all of this relationship is going in that direction whatsoever with such disrespect.
    So even though older women at times may be hot, I find that many men disrespect us if we do not give in to their advances quickly.
    I’m not alone in this assessment, because I’ve had the same concern expressed to me by other lady friends who are well over 40.
    I live in one of the largest cities in the nation and have had dates with many different types of men and 80% have this mindset. Now I do realize many women may like this, appreciate they are wanted in this way. I am flattered to a certain degree but when they become aggressive in their expression of disappointment that I’m not willing to meet their expectations…Houston, we have a problem!
    As I have grown older, what feeds me when I am with a man is his intellect, ability to be himself, confidence but to be humble as well, if he is chivalrous, courteous and empathetic, has a genuine love for life… If he is a true gentleman ..and to realize that the act of sex is not the only primary focal point for the woman he has chosen to pursue. Sure men are groomed their entire lives to be the hunter… And sex is a primary drive in their makeup… I’m at is expected in youth… but as we age and evolve hopefully we become more spiritual and I actually want to get to know the other person and their heart and their mind and their soul before the physical aspect…. Then again maybe I’m over analyzing which I have a tendency to do… Hahaha
    Thank you for your article …in general terms ..it was positive for women over 40…. But we all have not been caged for years in a so-so marriages and worn out by children and life experiences and drama… Some of us are just getting started and looking for that sweet heartfelt soulful love that can exist. Many of us aren’t out there to have sexual encounters to prove our hotness… Just say in….
    We are an interesting lot, men should be prepared to actually take time to get to know us, we are not for the men who are weak at heart or have dishonorable intentions…lol

    1. Rachel! Thank you so much for your comment! There is so much here for me to digest…

      1) The whole sex thing w/ men: I think that the issue, for most men (myself included), is that when there is a forum such as online dating or tinder, etc. where we really–as visual creatures–start with pictures, and there is really NO OTHER CONTEXT–I think it’s very natural for men to want to curb our loneliness through looking for immediate gratification thru sex as a “quick fix” for what we’re experiencing.

      I think the issue here is the internet and the lack of real connection. If a guy meets a woman in his everyday life, I think it’s very often different: men see the WHOLE WOMAN, and not just her pics.

      We, men, for the most part (if I can speak in a major generality) are, as you say, sex-driven. Honestly, I believe that men really DO want connection & intimacy; however, we’re bad at delayed gratification. I think it’s like sperm and eggs; lots of sperm and few eggs.

      I want to write a blog post on tinder, and the phenomenology of “swiping”–i.e., what the male (read: my) experience is; how it is SUCH a disconnected experience from an actual PERSON on the other side. The picture becomes a glop of flesh which we want to have our way with, to put it bluntly.

      I know many will disagree with this because they are evolved exceptions. I, myself, see myself as pretty “evolved.” However, I totally see the things my brain does–it’s almost automatic, this depersonalization and objectification of women. It’s happening under the surface of my awareness (sometimes); luckily, I am becoming more and more aware of it.

      Women shouldn’t (not saying you here) basterdize men for being this way. For most men, it’s unconscious. We don’t know what we don’t know, right?

      But I hope that by bringing my own life experiences to the fore, in hopefully humorous ways, of my own semi-consciousness and lack of awareness regarding women, that I can begin to help men become more aware and evolve to a different plateau of consciousness.

      Yes, I’m a dreamer. 😉

      Please let me know your thoughts on all this. I am no expert on anyone but myself; but I tend to believe that when we get down to it, we are much more similar than different. We have pretty much the same needs, the same “complexes,” the same defense mechanisms, etc.

      Thank you again for sharing, Rachel!!!!
      Happy 2016!

  23. Actually, not all women would prefer to be thought of as ‘hot’ versus sexy. I find the word ‘hot’ offensive and demeaning. When someone says it to me, I immediately turn cold. Perhaps you could avoid using absolutes in your writing – because you can’t possibly speak for everyone.

    1. I hear you, Lisa. And thanks for feedback. I agree with you! Not every woman wants to be called “HOT.” I’m a writer, and sometimes I take creative liberties. I try not to offend people with my words, but I’m not always successful. Thanks for the feedback, though. I will definitely consider that.

      1. I love the word hot because,’if a man says it right, it means so much more than a surface your body is sexy. Said right, hot can mean confident, inner glow of amazing that shows up when a woman starts to know who she is.

  24. Thanks so much for your blog. I was sent it today by a great freind, many wise words..thank you! I recently split up with my boyfriend of 13 years and am one of the caged birds that you speak about. But a smokin Hot caged bird of 41! Allthough I have a great career, house etc I knew I was not with the man I wanted to spend my life with and that he had become a friend and I wanted a spark and everything else that goes with that. Great sex, heart to heart connection and for us to both love culture. It’s interesting after reading your post about men and dating sites and how rhey react to pictures of women. I had decided a few months after the break up that I needed to take action to meet someone. I had got into a very very flirty downright dirty message thing on match.com with a particular guy that I really liked. This is something I have never ever ever done in my life ever and it felt kind if exciting! He was 32 and after lots of this erm flirting he had said that he thought I maybe too old, but he was willing to give it a try! Should have known he was trouble, what a cheek! So we sent naughty messages via match for 13 days and we’re going to meet up, but it just didn’t happen! In the end I got annoyed and felt like he didn’t want to get together plus that I was under pressure for sex, heck I hadnt even met him yet!. In truth he could have been anybody and there were many times he tried to come to my house, but I didnt let him. I felt like he was who he said, but Knew I must protect myself. I told him I felt pressure to have sex and that it would be really nice to get together and have a date and see where it went from then, I didn’t think that was a blatant no from me on the sex front, rather a let’s get together…it’s likely to happen but I don’t like pressure. I had a massive slap round the face when he came back with a message ‘I think that the age gap is too big, hope you meet someone nice, happy Christmas! X’ I’m left relling and trying not to analyse what went wrong , the whole online dating thing is very weird, you can’t see people as you talk to them and don’t know their true intensions. I’m no sado but weirdly as I made a connection in my head to this guy it has made me feel more lonely than the break up with my boyfriend did. It’s very weird indeed..The whole online dating thing is strange. Winking at strangers you fancy…I would never do that in reality. Sending a message to someone you fancy v weird. In the end Im embrrassed to say I became obsessed wit the match app and kept checkling it every 30 minutes or so. I’m a confident woman (or so I thought!) but this has made me feel very low. No winks and no messages made me feel unwanted stragely unloved ..what by people who dont know me and my lovely heart! But luckily for me in all of this I have my friends and my Buddhist practice of chanting nam-myoho-renge-Kyo and I realised whilst chanting that I have been looking outside myself for affirmation of my value. What I need to do is concentrate on me, love myself, do what I love, tell myself how wonderful I am, look after my health and chant. I still feel a little sad of course, but know I will use this as a positive experience. So what’s next? I just deleted match off my phone and next I will delete myself from it. Then set my determinations for this year, to love myself, have fun, build a great business that creates value and whilst I’m having fun and flying from my cage..who knows what might fly my way! Thanks again for your posts x

    1. Hey Buddhababe. Love that name! haha. Great share. Thanks for such vulnerability! I can resonate with some of those feelings of rejection, from time to time. I think it’s something we all experience.

      I think, for a lot of men, if they think the sex is going to be uncertain or require “work,” and since they are probably talking to 10 other women, they will just focus on women with whom it will be easier to get physical/sexual with; after all, why invest a lot of energy, if it *may* not work out? I think that’s the psychology there (my guess, at least). I know that for myself, I AM talking to multiple women at the same time. However, I have more patience–and tact–than the guy you were talking to. I think that even if it doesn’t work out, the connection might still be a good one!

      I almost think there needs to be a NEW dating site–something that is playful but is marketed towards or catering to people who have evolved past just wanting to connect physically.

      I think my challenge, at least in the past, has been that sometimes my flirting has been taken the wrong way! like that’s all I’m looking for–and that’s not the case! I am playful, and it sucks to be misinterpreted or labeled, sometimes, but so be it.

      But wouldn’t it be cool to have a site where people who are seeking HEART-FELT CONNECTIONS could sign-up, and then people could see if they connect, and then at the very least, you know that the person you’re talking to (ok, we can dream, right?) is coming from a good place?

      Man, I think this is a good idea! What do you think?

      Thanks again for your post. Very raw. I just wonder if you might benefit from allowing yourself to sit in that tension a little longer before deleting those apps (like maybe you could be less attached to the outcome or just drop guys who seem like they’re only after sex). Please don’t take this as coaching; just something to consider, perhaps.

      Here’s my thought behind that: For me, at least, it’s hard(er) to go up to women and just say, “Hi. You’re really attractive and I’d like to get to know you.” I had something happen in Starbucks today in which I didn’t talk to a woman that I really WANTED to talk to because I couldn’t figure out what to say–and because she had her son with her and I thought it might be awkward (“Hey, young man, excuse me while I flirt with your mom for a moment…). Anyway, what I love about online is that it’s a quick way to see if there is an online chemistry/connection. If so, great! If not, keep it mov’n! It seems way harder, at least for me, to do that in the “real world.”

      Whew. Long response.
      Thanks for sparking all that! Very interesting convo.

      ~Alex

  25. Hi I’ve just read your article and others and really like your articles!
    Im 47 & out of a 26 year marriage.
    Im enjoying reading & learning about a male view point on relationships, dating etc.
    Particularly spot on with your dating site article! I recently have met a man online & he caught my eye because he is honest & real. He wouldnt ordinarily have caught my eye by mere first physical impressions, but his candidness has. Therefore as we’ve chatted over the last couple of months & met up a few times, I find him very attractive because he is himself.
    I’ll keep in mind what I’ve read because you highlight a mans vulnerabilty too. I dont care to identify with hard nosed liberated women and thats a personal choice, nor do I judge them. Do what works for you is my belief. Just dont imtentionally hurt anyone. Sitting and relecting on what I have now that I am free of that cage is liberating enough for me personally.
    Thanks for your brilliant pieces!
    Great reading and learning
    Best wishes to you and happy new year!! 😊

    1. Hi there! I want to apologize for missing your comment at first. I like what you said about finding someone attractive who “is being himself.” In fact, that’s EXACTLY what my next big post will be about! Thanks for reading and for your comment! Happy 2016 to you, as well!

  26. Funny… I can send it to so many (mâle) over 40 friends. Complaning about their your princesses/and theire lack of understanding, self investment maturity, clarity…
    But 40 years old man are broken and dark.
    Being free, we also can date younger man. 26 to 36 are from à différent génération, so refreshing, différent mind set, sexually so confident and not yet broken.

    And guess what.. À Lots of them aleready understood the value a over 40 years old woman. 😉

  27. The new sexy over 40? Just because that’s your age group doesn’t mean it’s a consensus with all age groups. Having a healthy self-esteem is not the same as being physically attractive.

  28. Love this ! I’m only 32 but have freed myself from my cage and have no intention of being locked back in .. or locking anyone else in. I think a massive part of this is I always wanted kids .. I didn’t plan to be a single Mum but its turned out that way . Her father is a good one and we don’t need a ‘replacement ‘. This takes the pressure of a bit and means I’m not willing to ‘settle’ just because the clock is ticking . I’m loving meeting new people and all the future possibility but as the saying goes .. yes I’m single .. and you’d have to be bloody amazing to change that ! Haha

    Cheers
    Kel x

  29. This is completely wackadoodle.

    The only reason that I or the author or any guy would date a woman over forty is because we don’t possess the resources/muscles/attitude to attract women in their prime, those in their early 20’s.

    This is like a woman saying “look at all these guys that drive Toyotas, they’re so great” when she starts to realize that the guys who drive the bmws and the Mercedes are not going to give her the time of day.

    Hot young ass FTW

    1. LOL ! Who wants a guy that drives a BMW ?? I’d rather date a guy with a landcruiser that knows his way around a campsite .. so please .. each to their own .. not every female wants some city based yuppy with a $100,000 car that cant even go off road ? (Whats the bloody point of that ?/ ;P )

      🙂

      1. A ) its called a Landcruiser google it before making yourself look stupid .
        B) I’m in my early 30s and date guys older and younger . Im also a lingerie model and a Skimpy in mining towns … so your disgusting discription of me and my looks is null and void because you have no idea who your talking too .Also just confirms that you are a disgusting troll … love to see a photo of you since your so intent on tearing women down be good to see how hot you really are compared to what you think you are 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  30. Hello there, I really enjoyed reading you. You made the point of everything, and I am soo going to read everything you wrote (till now) and I will definitely reading what you will write in the future.
    But it takes some maturaty on both sites to see that..
    Woman over 40 are like this, when they start to like (love) themself – otherwise they are stuck in the past.
    Ps: just to speak out of experience – my own 😉

    ❤ ❤

  31. I just turned 45 last month and I can say the confidence that comes with age is very freeing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I don’t want my next relationship to be with someone who feels the need to take care of me or be taken care of, but a mutual respect for each others strength and ability to take care of ourselves.

  32. Ageist/sexist man over 40 has sudden revelation that women his own age are smokin’ hot, makes all kinds of generalizations about women of various ages, misses most obvious revelation, that he is an ageist/sexist man.

    As a woman over 40, I call bullshit (the same way I would have done in my 20s or 30s).

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